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Recovery?
Life is really all about '?' these days. I'm not sure if I'll be up or down or just exist. But, I think that it's an improvement from just living in absolute terror about who else is going to get sick or die or both. Bailey is back with me, it helps keep me focused on life. She gives me purpose, she's safe and happy, which is good enough for right now. I just wanted to thank you all again for being patient and hearing me out. I'm lucky to have such an understanding community at my fingertips and I honestly don't know where I'd be without that kind of privilege. You've all shown me kindness I'm not sure I deserve, but that I definitely need. I've worked hard on taking care of myself and my family the last few months, weeks, days, hours. I got help for the anxiety and depression that rose up, and thanks to my support system I've adjusted to some new medication that helps me relax and focus. It's still not the perfect situation or solution, but I am breathing better this week. I'm
Life
I hesitated for a long time to even update anyone on what's happening. I feel like it's so much that people couldn't even believe this all happened to one family. Unfortunately, another tragedy has struck my family. In the last five months two people have died, one has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, and just days ago another attempted suicide and is battling a critical brain injury from which they may not recover. As a suicide survivor I'm just overwhelmed with anxiety. I'm so dysfunctional right now I've had Bailey go stay with relatives for a week where she doesn't have to see me like this. Please understand that at this time I am not prepared to answer messages in a timely manner. I am not ignoring you, I am simply very overwhelmed and busy with urgent family needs. I am begging for your understanding and compassion at this time. I am having a very difficult time coping, I'm having severe anxiety attacks over what will happen next and I haven't been sleeping. It's taking everything I've got to maintain the basics. Please, universe, I need a break. Thank you so much for all of your support and understanding.
Three Years
Until you sit back and reflect, you don't realise how much can change in three years. So much has happened, things I never would've dreamed of. My mind has been opened to possibilities I never thought possible. But, I still keep thinking in the back of my mind, that Mandy is just on vacation. That she's coming back, she'll be back soon. I cannot accept, or maybe I'm just not prepared, that someone so incredible could be taken just like that - when she had so much more left to do.
I will never accept the possibility that I will not see her again. It doesn't feel like something I should accept because I feel her all around. Every time mom make
Goodbyes
My family said a difficult but loving goodbye to my Uncle Sam yesterday morning. He bravely chose to die with dignity after fighting cancer for several months and passed away peacefully without pain.
Although I knew him as a man of few words, his life spoke volumes to the people who love him. To know him was to feel safe, secure, and protected. Right now the world feels uncertain and unsteady, a little smaller. Although I was so lucky to know him for twenty nine years, I can't help the selfish desire to have him return. No amount of time with him would've been enough for me or my family.
But, I know innately that this isn't the end. How c
© 2012 - 2024 minnoux
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